Swine flu is the new snow day.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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