The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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