ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
