oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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