JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
is wine microwaveable?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
