Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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