sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
