You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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