Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
