I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
