i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
