Can i not drive my cunt home
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Randomize
