You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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