1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
