So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
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It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
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So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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