I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
