A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
