We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
