the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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