It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
