No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
