Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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