I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
