Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
