btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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