tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
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Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
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You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
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