I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
my poor anus
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
