you traded sex for a burrito?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
