peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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