So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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