Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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