If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
