I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
God, I missed his penis.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
