Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
