I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
