Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
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He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
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Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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