people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I currently don't understand fingers.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
