my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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