I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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