drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
