the condom got lost in my hair
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
