I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
