What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
