can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I love you. Go after that dick
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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