i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
