final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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