oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
