did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
