all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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