I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
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Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
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The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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