I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
