You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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