bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So much Jack, so little girl.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
