Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
