if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
