So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
