then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
