as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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