I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
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