My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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