Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
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Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
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I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move