i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
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We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
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The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.