..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.