dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it