I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
