At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
This baby is an asshole
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
