Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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