So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
