I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
