I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
