We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
