you would pick up someone in the library
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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