How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
